Maintaining Friendships While Living Abroad
When I first moved to Korea, a lot of people asked me what I do about “losing” friends back in Germany.
Honestly, that thought never really crossed my mind.
I never believed friendship needs constant meetups to be solid. In high school, I could literally walk to a friend’s place and hang out for hours. No plans. No calendar invites. Just showing up.
But as soon as everyone started working, even people living in the same city needed schedules. Suddenly, meeting up required planning. And on top of that, many of my friends were already spread across different cities, and even different countries. We were keeping in touch online most of the time anyway.
So when I moved abroad, it did not change as much as people think. Whether I live next door or on the other side of the world, the process is pretty similar.
If I want to see someone, I hit them up. I tell them when I will be back in town. Then we meet.
And weirdly… it makes it more meaningful.
When you live in the same place, you can always tell yourself “we’ll meet soon,” and then months pass. But when the time window is limited, there’s urgency. There’s intention. You value it more because you know you have, like, five days before you fly out again.
Friendship doesn’t need constant updates
This might sound cold to some people, but for me friendships do not need constant maintenance.
I have friends I reach out to once a year. Sometimes it’s every couple years when I visit. And when we meet, we go right back to where we left off.
No awkwardness.
Just comfort.
And if someone needs me, they know I’m available. If they want advice, they can reach out. If I need them, I can do the same.
In the digital age, staying connected is also easier than ever.
- Group chats keep friendship alive in the background.
- Social media gives you small updates without needing a full conversation.
- A random meme can basically be a love letter.
You do not have to force long catch-ups all the time to prove you still care.
Making new friends abroad
Wherever I go, I can make new friends pretty easily.
Some friendships are surface-level. That’s fine.
Some are communities. The kind where you see each other often, you belong, and you feel supported.
Some are deep.
I’m open to all of them.
But I also know it’s not easy for everyone.
I’ve met people who came to Korea for a working holiday for a year and just couldn’t build a new life. They missed their friends and family too much, and that’s why they decided to move back instead of settling.
They still did something brave. They still learned something important.
That’s why I always recommend an exchange program, or living abroad for a while first. It’s the fastest way to find out if distance is something your friendships can handle, and if you can handle it too.
Maybe you will thrive.
Maybe you will realize you want to be closer to home.
Either way, you get clarity.
How I make friends abroad (without forcing it)
People sometimes ask me how I keep finding community wherever I go, and honestly, it’s usually simpler than it looks.
When I’m staying in a guesthouse or hotel, I just smile and greet people. Reception, staff, other guests, doesn’t matter. I’m open-hearted with everyone.
I’m not always the person who starts the conversation first, but I do create an atmosphere where people feel like they can talk to me. A smile is basically an invitation.
If the vibe is good, I’ll get their contact. That becomes my first touch point in a new country.
These days I also make friendships online. As a creator, it’s easier to connect because people already know me through my content, and a lot of those connections actually turn into in-person hangouts.
Sometimes I’ll just message someone: “Hey, I’m in your city.” If they’re free, we meet. If they’re not, all good. No pressure.
And then the best hack: friends introduce me to their friends. That’s how the web grows.
Wherever I go, I’m basically spanning this little web of friendships, not by asking for anything, but just hanging out, eating together, and having meaningful conversations.
In a world that’s super digital, I still really appreciate offline meetups. Being in the same space adds a personal layer you can’t get through a screen.
What I actually do to keep friendships alive (practical, not perfect)
I’m not doing anything magical. I just try to lower the “activation energy” of staying in touch.
- I message like I’m still in the same city. Not a big dramatic life update. Just “Saw this and thought of you.”
- I don’t wait for the perfect moment. If I miss someone, I tell them. If I’m in town, I say the dates.
- I keep things lightweight on purpose. A voice note, a meme, a 2-minute call. Small touches add up.
And when I’m back in Germany (or anywhere I used to live), I try to do one simple thing: plan one anchor hangout early.
Because once you meet one friend, the rest becomes easier. Someone brings someone. You hear the latest updates. You remember the inside jokes. The city starts to feel familiar again.
A mindset shift that makes distance easier
Emotions, unlike memories, don’t fade the same way.
If you’ve felt comfort with someone, if you’ve had genuine moments together, that feeling stays. You can pick up where you left off.
Distance can change routines, but it does not have to delete relationships.
So if you’re living abroad and you’re scared you’ll lose your friends back home, maybe stop measuring friendship by frequency.
Measure it by:
- How safe you feel with that person
- How easy it is to come back
- How familiar it still feels after time has passed
When it does feel hard
To be honest, even for someone like me, distance can hit at random times.
Sometimes it’s not even about missing a specific person. It’s missing the version of you that existed around them. The rhythm. The shared history. The “no explanation needed” feeling.
When that happens, I try to remind myself: missing people doesn’t mean the move was wrong. It just means those relationships mattered.
And if you’re the type of person who needs more frequent connection, that’s not a weakness. It’s just your emotional language. You can build systems for it, regular calls, scheduled meetups, travel plans, so your friendships aren’t left to chance.
Sometimes the best friendships are low-maintenance.
And sometimes moving away doesn’t end them.
It just makes the time you share more intentional.
Conclusion
Living abroad will change how your friendships look, but it does not have to change how strong they feel.
If you stop equating closeness with constant contact, distance becomes less scary. You can stay connected in small ways, show up with intention when you are in the same place, and still build new community where you are.
Friendships that matter will adapt. And the ones that do are worth keeping.
And if you’re reading this while feeling a little lonely in a new country: give it time.
Your old friendships don’t disappear just because your zip code changed. And your new friendships don’t need to look like your old ones to still become meaningful.
You’re allowed to miss home and build a life somewhere else.
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👋 About Kim Ninja
Kim Ninja (Nguyen Huy Kim)
🧭 Cultural Guide · ✍️ Storyteller · 🎨 Curator
📢 Creator helping foreigners understand and thrive in Korea
